I just returned last evening from attending our annual conference. This morning I am singing "I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God, we're joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod, for I'm part of the family, the family of God." Too bad you can't hear me ... Lisa can hardly contain herself with the angelic serenade :-).
This year I was impressed with the maturity displayed among the delegate body. The manner they conducted themselves on the floor was articulate and respectful. The care and encouragement they shared in the down time exemplified what the scriptures describe as a Spirit filled Christ follower. Again I am reminded of the importance for growth and maturity in our local churches. We live in an emotionally, relationally damaged world which often times plays out through unhealthy expressions in the local church. We must face the problem and include a strategy in our discipleship matrix.
In the original context of discipleship it refers to an individual who follows and emulates the life and teaching of a rabbi (teacher). They often left family and job to live with the rabbi knowing that some things must be caught rather than just taught. They became one with the rabbi.
Today discipleship has been defined by many as Bible study, church attendance and adherence to a slate of doctrine. But the infusion of life with Jesus Christ through the fullness of the Holy Spirit into the inner recesses of our personal brokenness and sin nature is missing. This is the rich affective message of holiness. That we can invite the power of Christ's presence into the brokenness of life and correct what the nature of sin and human error has caused. That we can emulate the life of Christ, not because of book learning and the doctrine man but because we have become the embodiment of Christ through full consecration and the fullness of the Holy Spirit.
The only way to raise the emotional, social, relational IQ of the church today is through the impartation of Christ's life into ours. All other strategy will fall short. We must ask God to become Jesus. Not as a member of the Trinity but through the impartation of His life into ours. This requires full surrender of self to Christ so that His nature become ours, so His mind controls our action, so His resurrection power can transform us from broken vessels of sin into people who display His life and glory. Are we ready the grow up?
Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
Showing posts with label family of God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family of God. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Family of God # 7
Are you in your right mind?
Interesting question eh? In the field of conflict management we use three words to describe the way in which people process anxiety based upon their behavior. Each word is used to describe one of the three parts of the human brain. They are reptilian, limbic, and cerebral.
Reptilian or "R complex" refers to the lowest part of the human brain and is responsible for basic survival and repetitive behaviors in people and animals. The limbic section of the human brain is similar to that found in most primates which causes parenting, communication among species, and play to occur.
What really separates humans from all the rest of creation (in terms of brain function) is the part known as the cerebral cortex. It is far greater in size and complexity than that of animals which enables humans to think ahead, think abstractly and symbolically, write, create, plan, etc. And, like a muscle, the cerebral cortex can be developed, trained and empowered for greater use.
Studies in family systems theory show the more we develop our cerebral cortex the less we react to life from the limbic and reptilian centers of our brain. Maybe that is what the Apostle Paul had in mind when he instructed Timothy to "study to show thyself approved..." (2 Timothy 2:15) or when he referenced how the transformation in life comes through "the renewing of our mind" (Romans 12:1-2).
As church people submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and intentionally, purposefully develop their knowledge of the life and teachings of Jesus found in the Bible, and if they have acquired and act upon a life long passion for learning they will in time have a greater skill set to use in decision making. Those who do are often referred to as high functioning people. However, the lower the level of brain function people have the more emotionally reactive they become to the issues of life and the more anxiety they take on from others. Low functioning people tend to have little to no energy to contribute to their relationships or to use in meeting the needs of others as mandated in the kingdom of God.
In the family of God we need every person assuming personal responsibility for their growth. The more we do the healthier our fellowship will become relationally and spiritually. So, are you in your right mind?
Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
Interesting question eh? In the field of conflict management we use three words to describe the way in which people process anxiety based upon their behavior. Each word is used to describe one of the three parts of the human brain. They are reptilian, limbic, and cerebral.
Reptilian or "R complex" refers to the lowest part of the human brain and is responsible for basic survival and repetitive behaviors in people and animals. The limbic section of the human brain is similar to that found in most primates which causes parenting, communication among species, and play to occur.
What really separates humans from all the rest of creation (in terms of brain function) is the part known as the cerebral cortex. It is far greater in size and complexity than that of animals which enables humans to think ahead, think abstractly and symbolically, write, create, plan, etc. And, like a muscle, the cerebral cortex can be developed, trained and empowered for greater use.
Studies in family systems theory show the more we develop our cerebral cortex the less we react to life from the limbic and reptilian centers of our brain. Maybe that is what the Apostle Paul had in mind when he instructed Timothy to "study to show thyself approved..." (2 Timothy 2:15) or when he referenced how the transformation in life comes through "the renewing of our mind" (Romans 12:1-2).
As church people submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and intentionally, purposefully develop their knowledge of the life and teachings of Jesus found in the Bible, and if they have acquired and act upon a life long passion for learning they will in time have a greater skill set to use in decision making. Those who do are often referred to as high functioning people. However, the lower the level of brain function people have the more emotionally reactive they become to the issues of life and the more anxiety they take on from others. Low functioning people tend to have little to no energy to contribute to their relationships or to use in meeting the needs of others as mandated in the kingdom of God.
In the family of God we need every person assuming personal responsibility for their growth. The more we do the healthier our fellowship will become relationally and spiritually. So, are you in your right mind?
Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Family of God # 6
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God (Romans 12:1-2).
The passage speaks of the need for every believer to take personal responsibility for their growth in Christ for many reasons. Most definitely it is required for the social/relational health of the church. In family systems theory we refer to this level of responsibility as "individuality force." Emotionally healthy individuals normally can resist the immaturity of becoming emotionally attached to the anxiety or problems of others.
The individuality force enables us to adapt in life, to set and fulfill goals, to live out an orderly life course and make healthy contributions to families, church and society. People of individuality usually experience a happy life and are a blessing to all who know them through satisfying and stable relationships.
So, according to Paul we must "present" self to God (verse 1) and "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" (verse 2). Otherwise we will continue to conform to the unhealthy pattern of the world. Continuing to live day to day from one problem to the next, usually on the brink, and barely making it at all. Choosing to live as hermits, angry, rebels, relational nomads unable to attach to God and others in meaningful ways. Unable to delight in the ways of Jesus through giving and serving others in healthy ways.
So, how is mind renewal achieved? I would like to hear your take. Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
The passage speaks of the need for every believer to take personal responsibility for their growth in Christ for many reasons. Most definitely it is required for the social/relational health of the church. In family systems theory we refer to this level of responsibility as "individuality force." Emotionally healthy individuals normally can resist the immaturity of becoming emotionally attached to the anxiety or problems of others.
The individuality force enables us to adapt in life, to set and fulfill goals, to live out an orderly life course and make healthy contributions to families, church and society. People of individuality usually experience a happy life and are a blessing to all who know them through satisfying and stable relationships.
So, according to Paul we must "present" self to God (verse 1) and "be transformed by the renewing of our mind" (verse 2). Otherwise we will continue to conform to the unhealthy pattern of the world. Continuing to live day to day from one problem to the next, usually on the brink, and barely making it at all. Choosing to live as hermits, angry, rebels, relational nomads unable to attach to God and others in meaningful ways. Unable to delight in the ways of Jesus through giving and serving others in healthy ways.
So, how is mind renewal achieved? I would like to hear your take. Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Family of God # 5
How relevant is Church?
Pat Pope sent me this survey today from Chris Ediger's blog "In The Thin Places". It's part four of a series titled "The Unchurched." All of the information is timely and I encourage you to read through all five parts of the series if you get a free moment.
The survey's focus is on the relevance of the traditional church model for people today and presents some interesting results for consideration. Please read it over and comment on whether the findings are true to your experience or not. To view the actual survey and summary you will need to go to the following link. http://www.chrisediger.com/read/unchurch-part-four-survey-results
I look forward to hearing your comments. Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
Pat Pope sent me this survey today from Chris Ediger's blog "In The Thin Places". It's part four of a series titled "The Unchurched." All of the information is timely and I encourage you to read through all five parts of the series if you get a free moment.
The survey's focus is on the relevance of the traditional church model for people today and presents some interesting results for consideration. Please read it over and comment on whether the findings are true to your experience or not. To view the actual survey and summary you will need to go to the following link. http://www.chrisediger.com/read/unchurch-part-four-survey-results
I look forward to hearing your comments. Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
Monday, July 13, 2009
Family of God # 4
A lot of conflict in the local church congregation is caused by hierarchy. It is a phenomenon often seen in humans as well as other parts of God's creation. Anyone in church leadership must give it consideration because generally every grouping of people organize around it. Hierarchy means a ranking of all the individuals within the group from highest to lowest according to social status. It is a way to organize complex groups of people. It is most clearly seen during times of high anxiety. There is often a price to pay for hierarchy.
When consensus is used and power is distributed among many, people feel engaged, valued and "heard." However, when hierarchy rules subordinates often feel dominated and devalued as a person and will become emotionally depressed and disenchanted with the group. As Bowen pointed out in his work titled Family Theory, "as people loose the ability to function and make decisions in a group it takes less and less anxiety to trigger dysfunctional or irresponsible behavior or to cause physical, emotional or social illness (drinking, smoking overeating, acting out, etc.) to occur." (page 385)
As a Friends Church we are organized under a congregational system. Simply stated, the power of our church resides with the individual member. Members appoint leaders to govern the affairs of the organization. Leaders are accountable to the membership.
In a congregational lead structure like the Friends Church it is imperative for leaders to keep the Proforma of the organization clearly in focus for all to see. By consensus decisions must be made for the good of the vision, mission and objectives of the organization and not to cater to the will or preferences of the individual.
Hierarchy exists in the Friends Church. It is seen through our elected leaders and the non-official structuring of our church community. We trust in the maturity of people to use their influence to help us fulfill the ministry Proforma of our organization and not to use their platform of influence over others to push their own agenda.
Through mature people the Holy Spirit can lead a church through consensus for the glory of God. As the Apostle Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5, "we are to be mutually submission unto one another as unto the Lord." This principle works at home too. As we submit ourselves to the good of our family mission the more available we become to the Holy Spirit's leading and power working in our life and in the ones we love. Seeking selfish interest is always a stopper for the miracle working power of God. Whether in the home or at church.
Thanks for stopping by!
-------
Adrian
When consensus is used and power is distributed among many, people feel engaged, valued and "heard." However, when hierarchy rules subordinates often feel dominated and devalued as a person and will become emotionally depressed and disenchanted with the group. As Bowen pointed out in his work titled Family Theory, "as people loose the ability to function and make decisions in a group it takes less and less anxiety to trigger dysfunctional or irresponsible behavior or to cause physical, emotional or social illness (drinking, smoking overeating, acting out, etc.) to occur." (page 385)
As a Friends Church we are organized under a congregational system. Simply stated, the power of our church resides with the individual member. Members appoint leaders to govern the affairs of the organization. Leaders are accountable to the membership.
In a congregational lead structure like the Friends Church it is imperative for leaders to keep the Proforma of the organization clearly in focus for all to see. By consensus decisions must be made for the good of the vision, mission and objectives of the organization and not to cater to the will or preferences of the individual.
Hierarchy exists in the Friends Church. It is seen through our elected leaders and the non-official structuring of our church community. We trust in the maturity of people to use their influence to help us fulfill the ministry Proforma of our organization and not to use their platform of influence over others to push their own agenda.
Through mature people the Holy Spirit can lead a church through consensus for the glory of God. As the Apostle Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5, "we are to be mutually submission unto one another as unto the Lord." This principle works at home too. As we submit ourselves to the good of our family mission the more available we become to the Holy Spirit's leading and power working in our life and in the ones we love. Seeking selfish interest is always a stopper for the miracle working power of God. Whether in the home or at church.
Thanks for stopping by!
-------
Adrian
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Family of God # 3
The emotional process of congregations tends to press people into a position in a similar way the nuclear family does. It may be positive in assisting people in doing/living their best in life or it may compress them into chronic anxiety and reactive behaviors that can be professionally and relationally devastating. Our relational systems either bring out the best in people or the worst at times.
The local church is made up of many relational systems/units. The people in each unit is interconnected with each other emotionally. During times of high anxiety it will pass from person to person and nearly always end up resting on the most immature member of the group. In family systems theory we refer to this as "the family projection process." Through this process we understand how people from the same group can act so differently at times to the same set of circumstances. Some are able to adjust and others are not.
Generally speaking, in a church situation we tend not to just look at the person "acting out" as the problem but assume they are the "identity person" for their relational group or projecting pain from their childhood. Sometimes the anxiety of their group is more than they are able to contain so it spills out. The anxiety can be associated with either their nuclear family, life in general or triggered by the group they are association with at church.
There are eight common ways in which emotionally immature people act out at home or church (these 8 are taken from Gilbert's book, The Eight Concepts of the Bowen Theory, page 85ff).
1. The good person - They usually are not a problem for the church but wear themselves out emotionally/physically trying to please everyone.
2. The rebel - Also known as the black sheep. Their preferred pattern for life is conflict. Trouble usually appears wherever the rebel is.
3. The sick one - Often times this person absorbed and deferred the dysfunction in their family of origin through symptoms of chronic illness. Through sickness they got attention and felt safe. They will often do the same in church.
4. The caretaker - This position is usually assumed in a home where parents are absent or unavailable emotionally. Many children of alcoholics assume this role because they had to care for younger siblings due to mom and dad's drinking. In the church they tend to dominate others and tell them what they should or shouldn't do.
5. The family therapist - They go thorough life trying to have all the answers and solve every one's problems.
6. The star - The star is the over-achiever in the family and is the favored one of their siblings. They tend to not do well in adult relationship because they often have unrealistic expectations for others (and self).
7. The comic - They often learn how to be a clown while growing up as way to cut the family tension. Unfortunately they often never learn how to take life/relationships seriously however.
8. The favored child - Usually very congenial and "blessed" by the family. However often times they become untouchable and intimacy avoidant in their relationships.
In the church these eight common behaviors will present through the "family projection process" during times of anxiety. Most of the time it is a symptom of a much deeper problem stemming from a person's childhood and being triggered by life's pressure-cooker or through their relational system at church. If its the group at church causing the person to "act out" then church leaders must work within the system to relieve the anxiety and foster healing and emotional maturity in the group member.
What should the goal of church relationship be? To be made whole and conformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:28-29) and to spur one another on to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24). What's your take on all of this? Thanks for stopping by today!
------
Adrian
The local church is made up of many relational systems/units. The people in each unit is interconnected with each other emotionally. During times of high anxiety it will pass from person to person and nearly always end up resting on the most immature member of the group. In family systems theory we refer to this as "the family projection process." Through this process we understand how people from the same group can act so differently at times to the same set of circumstances. Some are able to adjust and others are not.
Generally speaking, in a church situation we tend not to just look at the person "acting out" as the problem but assume they are the "identity person" for their relational group or projecting pain from their childhood. Sometimes the anxiety of their group is more than they are able to contain so it spills out. The anxiety can be associated with either their nuclear family, life in general or triggered by the group they are association with at church.
There are eight common ways in which emotionally immature people act out at home or church (these 8 are taken from Gilbert's book, The Eight Concepts of the Bowen Theory, page 85ff).
1. The good person - They usually are not a problem for the church but wear themselves out emotionally/physically trying to please everyone.
2. The rebel - Also known as the black sheep. Their preferred pattern for life is conflict. Trouble usually appears wherever the rebel is.
3. The sick one - Often times this person absorbed and deferred the dysfunction in their family of origin through symptoms of chronic illness. Through sickness they got attention and felt safe. They will often do the same in church.
4. The caretaker - This position is usually assumed in a home where parents are absent or unavailable emotionally. Many children of alcoholics assume this role because they had to care for younger siblings due to mom and dad's drinking. In the church they tend to dominate others and tell them what they should or shouldn't do.
5. The family therapist - They go thorough life trying to have all the answers and solve every one's problems.
6. The star - The star is the over-achiever in the family and is the favored one of their siblings. They tend to not do well in adult relationship because they often have unrealistic expectations for others (and self).
7. The comic - They often learn how to be a clown while growing up as way to cut the family tension. Unfortunately they often never learn how to take life/relationships seriously however.
8. The favored child - Usually very congenial and "blessed" by the family. However often times they become untouchable and intimacy avoidant in their relationships.
In the church these eight common behaviors will present through the "family projection process" during times of anxiety. Most of the time it is a symptom of a much deeper problem stemming from a person's childhood and being triggered by life's pressure-cooker or through their relational system at church. If its the group at church causing the person to "act out" then church leaders must work within the system to relieve the anxiety and foster healing and emotional maturity in the group member.
What should the goal of church relationship be? To be made whole and conformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:28-29) and to spur one another on to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24). What's your take on all of this? Thanks for stopping by today!
------
Adrian
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Family of God # 2
My post a few days ago was about how the church is like a family in many ways. We know from past experience in the church, as well as studies in family systems theory, that the best leaders are generally the ones who have healthy family relationships. Bowen, the founder of family systems theory found that the therapists he was training who took the ideas "home" with them made superior professional progress over their peers who did not (Bowen. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p. 533.)
We all have automatic behaviors and patterns that stem from our childhood. They are usually counterproductive and get triggered from time to time. The best place to work on them is at home with the people we live with. Home is our primary emotional field and it can be an extremely effective place to deal with "our stuff." If we have immature ways of relating from time to time a spouse will tell us and children will draw it out of us.
The goal is to become relationally healthy and not dump negative emotional energy in the family unit. As we succeed in this area there is really a twofold benefit. One family life becomes more healthier and satisfying, and two, we carry less emotional baggage around with us to unpack in others relationships like church and work.
The leader who is succeeding relationally at home is generally more accessible, emotionally balanced, and less reactive at church. If leadership relationships improve there will be less anxiety in the congregation and they will model relational/emotional health for others to see. Maybe this is what Paul had in mind when laying out the prerequisites for church leaders in First Timothy 3. He said, a leader must be "gentle and not quarrelsome; one who rules his children and own house well" (verses 2, 3-4, 12).
Please pray for our leaders in this area. Ask God to give our Nominating Committee discernment and wisdom as they appoint leaders each year. Because as it is at home ... so shall it be at church!
Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
We all have automatic behaviors and patterns that stem from our childhood. They are usually counterproductive and get triggered from time to time. The best place to work on them is at home with the people we live with. Home is our primary emotional field and it can be an extremely effective place to deal with "our stuff." If we have immature ways of relating from time to time a spouse will tell us and children will draw it out of us.
The goal is to become relationally healthy and not dump negative emotional energy in the family unit. As we succeed in this area there is really a twofold benefit. One family life becomes more healthier and satisfying, and two, we carry less emotional baggage around with us to unpack in others relationships like church and work.
The leader who is succeeding relationally at home is generally more accessible, emotionally balanced, and less reactive at church. If leadership relationships improve there will be less anxiety in the congregation and they will model relational/emotional health for others to see. Maybe this is what Paul had in mind when laying out the prerequisites for church leaders in First Timothy 3. He said, a leader must be "gentle and not quarrelsome; one who rules his children and own house well" (verses 2, 3-4, 12).
Please pray for our leaders in this area. Ask God to give our Nominating Committee discernment and wisdom as they appoint leaders each year. Because as it is at home ... so shall it be at church!
Thanks for stopping by!
------
Adrian
Monday, July 6, 2009
Family of God
The Church is known as a family ... the Family of God. Why? Well because Bill and Gloria Gaither sang so in their famous hit song "The Family of God." So there you have it ... any other questions?
Actually there are some who feel strongly that congregations are not families and should not be referred to as such (M.Bowen. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p. 462). Bowen thought that in using the word "family" for organizations only encourages those who are trying to get their emotional needs met there inappropriately. I guess in some ways I agree with Bowen's theory but probably not for the same rationale. I believe Christians should have their emotional needs addressed first and foremost, through the sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Beyond that however, I see the Church functioning very much like a family unit.
In my 29 years of church work I have observed time and again where congregations show the same characteristics as emotional systems as do families. When enough anxiety is dumped into the church system they exhibit conflict, distance themselves from one another, shun and cut people off relationally, practice codependency through either over/under functioning, and by all means ... the church will triangulate (talk about people rather than to the one they have an issue with) just like a dysfunctional nuclear family unit.
How does the Church become familial (family like)? Simply by spending time together. Just rub shoulders long enough with someone and emotional patterns/systems form. Also, by spending time together hierarchy develops in the group. Leaders and followers naturally appear and lines of loyalty are drawn.
The church is different than a family unit in that she is much more complex. She is made up of individual family units (nuclear), committees, boards, staff, ministry teams, Bible studies and education classes, and old school -vs.- contemporary preferences, etc. Whether we are referencing a large or small church there are numerous emotional units intertwined within a local congregation. As long as a local fellowship keeps their hearts humble and Christ central, the whole unit will function for the glory of God and the good of people.
So what does a healthy congregation look like? She probably resembles a pot of spaghetti. Each one intermingled with different groups with Chef Jesus stirring the pot often. As long as we remain in the Water of the Word, allowing Him to keep our hearts pure and humble, and stirred up (changing), we'll be okay. What's your take on the Family of God?
Thanks for stopping by!
-------
Adrian
Actually there are some who feel strongly that congregations are not families and should not be referred to as such (M.Bowen. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p. 462). Bowen thought that in using the word "family" for organizations only encourages those who are trying to get their emotional needs met there inappropriately. I guess in some ways I agree with Bowen's theory but probably not for the same rationale. I believe Christians should have their emotional needs addressed first and foremost, through the sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Beyond that however, I see the Church functioning very much like a family unit.
In my 29 years of church work I have observed time and again where congregations show the same characteristics as emotional systems as do families. When enough anxiety is dumped into the church system they exhibit conflict, distance themselves from one another, shun and cut people off relationally, practice codependency through either over/under functioning, and by all means ... the church will triangulate (talk about people rather than to the one they have an issue with) just like a dysfunctional nuclear family unit.
How does the Church become familial (family like)? Simply by spending time together. Just rub shoulders long enough with someone and emotional patterns/systems form. Also, by spending time together hierarchy develops in the group. Leaders and followers naturally appear and lines of loyalty are drawn.
The church is different than a family unit in that she is much more complex. She is made up of individual family units (nuclear), committees, boards, staff, ministry teams, Bible studies and education classes, and old school -vs.- contemporary preferences, etc. Whether we are referencing a large or small church there are numerous emotional units intertwined within a local congregation. As long as a local fellowship keeps their hearts humble and Christ central, the whole unit will function for the glory of God and the good of people.
So what does a healthy congregation look like? She probably resembles a pot of spaghetti. Each one intermingled with different groups with Chef Jesus stirring the pot often. As long as we remain in the Water of the Word, allowing Him to keep our hearts pure and humble, and stirred up (changing), we'll be okay. What's your take on the Family of God?
Thanks for stopping by!
-------
Adrian
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)