Actually there are some who feel strongly that congregations are not families and should not be referred to as such (M.Bowen. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, p. 462). Bowen thought that in using the word "family" for organizations only encourages those who are trying to get their emotional needs met there inappropriately. I guess in some ways I agree with Bowen's theory but probably not for the same rationale. I believe Christians should have their emotional needs addressed first and foremost, through the sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Beyond that however, I see the Church functioning very much like a family unit.
In my 29 years of church work I have observed time and again where congregations show the same characteristics as emotional systems as do families. When enough anxiety is dumped into the church system they exhibit conflict, distance themselves from one another, shun and cut people off relationally, practice codependency through either over/under functioning, and by all means ... the church will triangulate (talk about people rather than to the one they have an issue with) just like a dysfunctional nuclear family unit.
How does the Church become familial (family like)? Simply by spending time together. Just rub shoulders long enough with someone and emotional patterns/systems form. Also, by spending time together hierarchy develops in the group. Leaders and followers naturally appear and lines of loyalty are drawn.
The church is different than a family unit in that she is much more complex. She is made up of individual family units (nuclear), committees, boards, staff, ministry teams, Bible studies and education classes, and old school -vs.- contemporary preferences, etc. Whether we are referencing a large or small church there are numerous emotional units intertwined within a local congregation. As long as a local fellowship keeps their hearts humble and Christ central, the whole unit will function for the glory of God and the good of people.
So what does a healthy congregation look like? She probably resembles a pot of spaghetti. Each one intermingled with different groups with Chef Jesus stirring the pot often. As long as we remain in the Water of the Word, allowing Him to keep our hearts pure and humble, and stirred up (changing), we'll be okay. What's your take on the Family of God?
Thanks for stopping by!
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Adrian
I believe the church becomes familial by first allowing ourselves to be formed by Jesus. If we simply spend time with another without allowing for Jesus-formation, then we're just a group of folks meeting together with common interests, but we may not function like a healthy family. However, once we allow ourselves to be formed by HIM ongoingly, then and only then can we begin to relate to one another in a healthy manner, which includes committing ourselves to something and Someone higher than ourselves despite our differences. With the heart of Jesus, I believe we'll start to appreciate the differences rather than trying to homogenize them.
ReplyDeleteSeems allot of ‘familial’ conflict arises in the meetinghouse when we draw lines based upon our testimony. ‘We’ may have clearly heard from Jesus regarding some concept, command, or belief and then assume a posture that this revelation is for everyone, and if people do not accept the information as their own, battle lines are drawn.
ReplyDeleteI think people get threatened when confronted with different ‘truths’. I like when Pat talked about how “we allow ourselves to be formed by HIM ongoingly”. But can I allow Him to work in you, in His time, with the issues of His choosing, without feeling threatened? Can I love you regardless of our differences? Can I love you and love our differences?
I love Spaghetti.
I agree that churches function as emotional systems, like families. But I also believe that people who are cut off from their families and use the church as substitute "family" are inclined to be more reactive and bring challenges to the community. The rhetoric of "church family" can reinforce this neediness, as Bowen noted.
ReplyDeleteMargaret, you're right about those who are cut off from their families, but if these individuals are entering into healthy church families, doesn't it stand to reason that these individuals will be affected positively? (Either that or they will leave and look for the dyfunction that they have become accustomed to in their life.) I know that I have learned much and grown from being around families different from my own.
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