Relationship # 5

Do you have a book or two in your library that you read and re-read because they help maintain some level of senility in your life? I do. Of course the Bible is one (you can't top sacred literature for soothing the savage beast). Another one that is near and dear to my heart is titled, "Never Call Them Jerks: Healthy Responses to Difficult Behavior" by Arthur Paul Boers. It's a great read for any church leader, for sure!

No church is immune to the problems that can arise when attendees behave in selfish or difficult ways. I have found that responding to such situations with some level of understanding as to why people "act out" in a relational system, incorporated with self-awareness regarding my role and means to affect/effect the system can make the difference between peace and disaster. Books like Boers helps me to keep my mind in perspective and my tongue in check. Paul admonition to the saints was "to let "no" unwholesome word come out of your mouth except that that which is edifying to your brother" (Ephesians 4:29).

The emotional state of the leader has a tremendous effect upon any group. So when a leader can make contact with with the "more anxious ones" (notice I did not use the "J" word) , bringing his/her best thinking to bear, hearing the concerns, validating people, communicating and demonstrating that relationship is primary over the issues present at the time, that the anxiety will dissipate and the group will be more apt to find common ground, seek out solutions and work them, and move forward with one another for the glory of God.

Some times it only takes one to change the unhealthy patterns in a relational system like home, church or work. Will you be that one? That would make at least two of us!

Now I've got a hankering for beef jerky ... got to go! Thanks for stopping by!
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Adrian